Well, I was not so lucky to get one more day without a seizure.  He had a huge one yesterday in the car, and a huge one today during his nap.  It makes me soooooooooooooo frustrated that the rare times he can fall asleep and rest - that's when the seizures still hit.  He can't even sleep in peace! 

When one of these hits, it has the capacity to ruin my entire day.  How do I let that not happen?  That is the question.  I tell myself (on a good day) that Cody won't have 1 more seizure than God allows and (for some reason) says "yes" to.  Although everything "feels" out of control, it is not.  I remind myself of some quotes and poetry that inspire me:

"Is there no other way, O God,
Except through sorrow, pain and loss?
To stamp Christ's image on my soul?
No other way except the Cross?

And then a voice stills all my soul,
As stilled the waves on Galilee;
'Canst thou not bear the furnace heat,
If 'mid the flames I walk with thee?'

'I bore the Cross, I know it's weight,
I drank the cup I hold for thee;
Canst thou not follow where I lead?
I'll give thee strength - lean thou on me.'

Cory TenBoom wrote in the Hiding Place..."there is no valley that runs so deep...that God is not deeper still."

Elisabeth Eliot (whose husband was a missionary and was killed by the very people he was ministering to) wrote:  "And so it often is. Faith, prayer and obedience are our requirements. We are not offered in exchange immunity and exemption from the world's woes. What we are offered has to do with another world altogether."

Right now the house is utterly silent.  Casey is napping.  Cody just had a seizure and Daddy is holding him on his bed.  And as usual, I pour my heart out into my keyboard.  For some reason, this is my therapy.  It works for me.  I have to be careful not to go to my keyboard before I go to the Lord, though.  Just like I have to be careful not to call a friend before I call on God when I have a hurt or frustration.  So often I try to fill the void with my online ramblings - or with the understanding ear of a friend.  I know God wants me to run to Him first - not last.  Such a hard discipline.  I'm sad to say I ran to my computer after this last seizure.  There's something about writing that is so cathartic for me.  It's like my tension and anxiety pours out of my fingertips when I type.  But I'm going to try to run to Him first more often --- as it should be.

love to all,

shawna