Can you believe it's almost July?  Where does time go.  I promised myself this Summer I would enjoy my kids, my life more.  Am I doing that?  Hmmmm....easier said than done!  Isn't it the case that there's always "something to get done" breathing down your neck?  I find that I am a slave to that - when I try to enjoy "set aside" time with either of my boys to just play or enjoy them - rolling around in the back of my mind is:  "I have to call about that blood draw - when did the Dr. say it has to be done?"  or "I have to call about directions to the Women of Faith event.  And did they say we get a boxed lunch or do I have to buy one there?"  It's like I try to squeeze time with the boys in between my "stuff to do" - not the other way around.  I just read a quote that is quite compelling to me:

"I hate the pace of my life. I don't live. I get things done."  -  John Eldredge (well known Christian author.)

I've been thinking about it a lot lately.  Am I living?  It's hard to even quantify "living" when you have a sick child.  But in a way, don't we need to live all the more - those of us whose kids are so sick?  Isn't every second with them to be celebrated?  Aren't we so lucky they are still with us?  So often I hear the same sentiment echoed by moms of sick kids - "I feel like my life is over" - "I've been given a prison sentence."  There's this idea that life will never be fun.  Life will never be good.  No fun vacations.  No spontaneous trips to the park. 

Some of that is true.  I took both boys to the park yesterday and thought to myself - this will never be something I can do without a 2nd person to help me.  It will never be the case that I can pile the boys into the car and go anywhere without a 2nd person.  Cody can't even walk from the car to a park swing alone - he stops to eat gravel, walk off into the distance, poke his eyes out.  Until Casey is totally independent and can play at a park completely alone, that will be our reality.  And even when Casey can play alone, what would I do with Cody at a park when he gets bigger and taller?  I can't imagine how hard it will be when I can't pick him up and carry him where I want us to go.  Will we have to strap him into a wheelchair to go anywhere?  Will there ever be a vacation in our future?  So many questions. 

But even with a child this impacted - there still HAS to be fun to be had, right?  Life doesn't have to completely stop, does it?  I don't want to just "get things done."  I want to live - to breathe - to enjoy.  How that looks given our crazy world, I'm not sure.  But it's a good goal.  God wants us to have fun - He wants us to enjoy life.  He created beautiful sunsets and majestic mountains.  He made us able to laugh.  I don't know how I'm going to fit "fun" into our world with all of Cody's issues and their attending crisis - but that's my goal this Summer.  I want to have some fun.  Beginning today!

:)

love, Shawna