I'm quite proud of myself.  I wrote awhile ago that it was one of my goals this summer to have more fun.  Over the weekend I made a huge effort to do just that.  And I had FUN.  I spent the whole day at the Women of Faith conference at the Seattle Center.  It was absolutely heavenly.  Great speakers, fantastic concerts, amazing worship times.  For one, Natalie Grant sang "Held" which is one of my favorite (albeit heartbreaking) songs.  She wrote it after friends of hers lost their child.  Here are the words and a link to her singing it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOufqWodFNo

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow

(Chorus) ...
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

So here's the line that kills me:  "To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays."  I can't tell you how many times I've laid my hand on Cody's head on a bad seizure day - and prayed hard and fast for not one more seizure to overtake him.  Only to have him bend into a seizure under my very hand - while I was praying for the opposite.  Those moments are - as Natalie Grant sings - appalling. 

This conference was full of testimonies and wisdom from women who have been through crushing ordeals.  Marilyn Meberg, an author, gave a great speech.  She lost a daughter to spina biffida.  Sheila Walsh has battle severe depression her whole life.  Sandi Patty had an affair and got a divorce - even spoke of how she wound up in a mental instutition.  Many years later, she speaks in such a raw, real way of God's forgiveness and restoration to wholeness.  Patsy Clairmont battled agoraphobia for years.  These women have tons of credibility with me - and I hung on their every word.  I took away so much truth.  And with my background in television, I just love a good production.  I love looking at the lighting, the camera work, the performances - it all fascinates me.  I think if I had to choose the most inpactful moment, it would be when Luci Swindoll quoted a verse from one of my favorite hymns "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing":  
 

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

She dissected the lyrics - which by the way were written in 1759.  It amazes me how God's truths are so timeless.  Still just as applicable today.  A "fetter" is basically a "chain."  She talked about how we all have wandering hearts - we know it - God knows it.  Yet "like a fetter," he chains us to Himself - and He will never loose the chain.  He binds our wandering hearts to Himself.  So even tho I'm "prone to wander, Lord I feel it - Prone to leave the God I love" - He stands waiting still - with open arms - for us to return.  I am so prone to wander.  Aren't we all?  I am so distracted - so easily caught up in the trials of life.  So prone to wander.  But I love that visual of there being a chain on me - and no matter how far I wander - His goodness, like a "chain" binds my wandering heart to Himself.  I loved that.  It inspires me to not wander so darn much - but to hide myself in Him instead. 

And here are some cutie pictures of Casey!  enjoy!

 Love, Shawna