Hello - if you happend to pray for Casey's little cheek, thank you!  It got better that same day I requested prayer!  It's not just a little pink patch instead of a huge flaming bloody red patch!  I have to stay on top of it, I can see.  I stayed up the last two nights, literally all night, batting Casey's hand away from his cheek every time he raised it.  I think that may be what pushed him back into the "healing" zone.  For two nights at least he didn't scratch it to death and make it worse.  It had 2 nights to heal.  I got no sleep - but it's a nice reward. 

Cody is back to having big seizures - last night we had to give him a valium to stop them.  So often it's 1 step forward, 2 steps back with us.  I had him checked at the Dr. and there are no problems - just Cody being Cody.  Life is such a mystery to me.  My moods so directly corelate to Cody's seizure activity.  If anyone asks me how I'm doing, I instantly revert to saying "Cody's seizures are ____________ so I'm doing (good or bad)."  They so impact our lives.  And his of course!  Seeing him turn blue again - what a nightmare.  I hadn't seen it in awhile. 

But still we must find a way to live this weird existence.  It seems so odd to watch Cody double over into a seizure, turn blue, and pass out -- and then do something ordinary while he sleeps it off and recovers like eat dinner or watch a movie.  It seems wrong.  And yet his seizure happen so often that's what we do - we just do the next thing.  Take a shower.  Check on him.  Hold him.  Do the dishes. Such a weird juxtaposition of intensity vs normalcy.  His seizures are a part of our lives.  He had 20 today - some big some small.  So many I sometimes lose count - or try to. 

In the midst of it all, I'm still trying to practice the sacrifice of praise.  On these days it is particularly hard.  But I got a nice suprise that made it easy yesterday.  I was going over our taxes from the past - looking for a receipt.  I had to go thru files and file of paperwork and I came accross something I'd forotten about.  It was a "Pony Gait Trainer" - translation:  Cody's walker.  We bought it back when he was about 16 months old when we were told he'd never walk.  It cost a fortune and I cried for days when we received it.  I'll never forget watching him clanking around in it.  Seeing the receipt for that walker made me remember what a victory it was when CODY WALKED!  He walked at 18 months too, not even that far behind!  Granted, he's still kinda wobbly at times, but I had to stop right then and there and give praise for that fact.  Cody walks.  They said it would never happen and it did.  We have seen miracles in this crazy trial.  Who's to say we won't see MORE OF THEM!  So I carry a hopeful heart today because of that walker receipt.  In fact, here's my blog from the day it arrived - February 2006. 

"Cody's walker finally arrived!  Insurance covered it (thank you God!)  It's SO adorably cute to see him in it.  I'm going to post a photo of it this weekend.  It's basically a vice that squeezes him on his tummy and back and the vice is attached to 4 wheels that come down.  It's purpose is to support his trunk while he walks.  Right now his huge discoordination prevents him from standing and walking becuase he tips over instantly.  This helps him gain some strength in his legs & trunk while learning a bit of balance too.

It's funny, I saw some tots in these walker contraptions early on in Cody's diagnosis and I remember telling Don "I will DIE if Cody ever winds up in one of those!"  The kids just looked so vulnerable in the walkers and leg braces...I couldn't bear to watch them with all this hardware on their bodies when they should be walking and running free like most "normal" kids.  God's been kind to toughen me up over the months.  I don't feel a SHADOW of those feelings when I put Cody in his walker or while ordering his leg braces.  To me, they aren't "hardware that keeps him shackeled instead of running free" anymore.  Now they are the very things that may GIVE Cody some freedom someday.  I look at this walker as a CHANCE!  We have no idea whether Cody will ever walk without some kind of assistance...so this walker is pivotal in helping him become as independant as possible.  And the leg braces are another thing that will strengthen his little ankles and calves and give us the very best possible shot at allowing him to walk freely one day.  This change in heart...my ability to look at these contraptions as blessings instead of curses...is just one of many supernatural transactions God has allowed me.  "He gives me beauty for ashes...strength for fear...gladness for mourning...peace for despair."  Those are the words to one of my favorite songs - as well as a quote from the Bible. 

In exchange for my fear where these contraptions are concerned, God has given me strength.  And instead of watching Cody in his walker and thinking of how much our lives are in ashes...I see the beauty of the moment as my little fighter cruises up and down the corridor at the hospital.  He draws a crowd because he's so darn cute with his metal legs and velcro straps - going left, right, left, right with his tiny feet. 

And suddenly I realize that the corridor on the 2nd floor of Legacy Emanuel isn't just a pediatric rehab department...it's Holy ground.  And I'm sure there are unseen angels guarding this hallway - attending to Cody's every step.  And my little boy, I know for sure, has sprouted invisible wings that allow him to soar above his circumstances and bravely take step after step toward his future."