Hello all!  We are chugging right along with our new normal!  Avery and Addison are doing just great - up to 8 lbs now!  They hit their due date (Feb. 14th) with flying colors and look more and more alert, alive, and engaged every day.  We know for sure they are fraternal because they look more different from each other every day!  That's been fun to see blossom!

The house remains a lot chaotic.  I feel torn between all my children, and like I don't give enough to any of them.  I grieve that I don't get to just sit and hold my girls and enjoy them.  But truth is, once one is fed I have to put her down to pick up the other...then put her down when she's done to do what needs to be done for the other two kids.  Knowing (for sure!) these are my last babies, I really wish I had the time to rock, sing them lullabyes, and just stare at their little beauty.  But those moments are rare to find.  Such is our life.

Cody is still oblivious to them, although he will storm up to you even if you have a baby in your arms and just maul you (and the baby) to get a noise in his ear from you.  I've said 'gentle' a million times lately.  Casey is adjusting.  He really loves his sisters and shows no animosity, impatience, or anything negative toward them.  I suppose I can see some behaviors flare ~ but those, I think, are more in response to me being super busy and not being able to hear him out most of the time.  I do lots of 'I'll be there in a minute buddy' statements, on my way to go pump or feed the girls.  I think his behavior flares are probably more frustration that he doesn't get his needs met as instantly - but they are not directed at the girls (yet!) so I'm glad for that.

It is ~ quite honestly ~ a hundred times harder than I anticipated having 4 kids.  Let's face it, there's one set of twins, a child with severe special needs, and a 3 year old.  That's quite a combustable combination!  Yet we do it day by day, minute by minute, with God's grace.  I probably am more snappy these days cuz of sleep deprivation, but this too shall pass.

Cody's schooling is going great!  We love love love his therapist and she has a poster hung on the wall in his therapy room with such wonderful affirmations about his accomplishments!  'Cody can eat applesauce independently with a spoon!'  'Cody can jump all by himself!'  It warms my heart to look at it and I am so grateful he has someone who cares for him and his progress so deeply.  He's still enjoying our new house.  His seizures are still going nuts - he has at least one tonic seizure (usually more) per day that last up to 4 minutes.  He's still up at least twice a night for an hour at a time.  But he's also doing things like jumping independently...giving hugs more often...learning how to pick things up off the floor that he dropped.  The list goes on and on.  Every day we rejoice over some accomplishment.  Every day we tear up over some loss.  Life continues to be a balance of beauty and pain with Cody.  You'd think having two new little ones would ease the burden, but it doesn't.  Cody is still Cody and his battle still inspires a lion's share of grief.  But instead of holding the grief tightly, and petting it every minute...we've gotten to a place where we hang it up in the closet and just visit it at some point every day.  I'm sure in time, we'll put the grief in a box and maybe only open it on certain occasions like holidays or first days of school.  It continues to be a process for which there is a steep learning curve.  He is sick so often and gets whatever Casey brings home from pre-school.  It takes him weeks to get over a common cold and by the time he has, he has a new illness on top of it.  Each time this happens I wonder, will this be the one that takes him?  It's a tenuous existence, yet one that has just become part of our life.

Well that's it for now ~ more to come as I get used to this new life of ours and try to carve out some moments for myself!  Thanks for sharing via this website - I love getting your emails!

Shawna

Baby pictures for April

Pictures for babies.