Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ~ I am writing this from a hotel computer.  My husband was kind enough to allow me to getaway for 2 whole days BY MYSELF this weekend. 

This has been so life-giving to me.  I slept 9 hours last night.  I can't remember the last time I slept more than 3 hours in a night.  I woke up and showered for as long as I wanted.  I ordered room service (best turkey club I've ever eaten!)  I watched 2 movies ("Valentines Day" *don't bother* and "Taken" *one of my faves).  I am breathing, calm, and finally feel human.

I won't go on and on about how necessary this is for moms of special needs kids because it's kind of self-explanatory.  But I can tell you from personal experience (having nevr done this before) that you have NO IDEA how un-human you become after years of staying up all night, living on caffeine, and living at the hospital and Dr. offices, and in therapy rooms.  You literally shut down - you stop feeling - you stop breathing.  You get so out of touch with your body, your mind, your emotions, your spirit.  And I have learned that you have to go away and be completely ALONE to re-connect.  It can't be done on a weekend with a girlfriend, or a church retreat.  There's too much distraction and too many other people to think of.  It's not until I got in this hotel and STOPPED ~ that I realized how far out of whack I've gotten.

Yes, it is expensive.  But if you scrounge around you can find a deal.  I highly recommend the Courtyard Marriot because it is luxurious but super reasonable ($80 a night with our Triple A discount!)  I brought most of my own food.  So right now we could afford this, but I know many who can't - or more likely - I know many moms who wouldn't think to use the money for such a whim.  I SO encourage anyone who knows a special needs family to give this gift to the mom if she can't, or doesn't want to, afford it.  Maybe a few people could go in on it and present it as a gift.  She may resist - for sure she'll want to spend the money on her kids instead.  But do it anyway.  Don and I live our lives trying to skimp on every penny with the mindset that Cody's life is so expensive (and his future will require huge amounts of money).  So we don't do much for ourselves, but instead try to save everything.  So yes it is hard to give myself permission to spend $200 on a weekend like this.  But I'll consider it my birthday and Christmas present wrapped into 1 if need be, that's how much I've gotten out of this.

I truly think that we moms have no understanding of the stress we are under.  We juggle so much, and endure so much, that we just disappear under it all.  But let me tell you, if we go down, the whole ship goes down.  We have to refresh, we have to find ways to survive. 

Luckily I have a hero-husband who supported me in this.  In fact it was his idea.  But it took about a year of prodding me to get me to say yes.  And I called in friends to be at the house with him so he wasn't totally burned out at the end of this weekend as well. 

And here I sit, freshly showered, feeling full to the brim with calm.  Yes, I will return to our home and to that diagnosis of 'life threatening progressive disease'.  That is still on my radar screen.  But I count this weekend as my own therapy, my gift from the Lord, to be a better mom to that little boy and his brother.  And a better wife, hopefully.

So there you go.  I'm going back to my room now ~ I think it's time for my nap.  :)

with love,

Shawna