I was taking a walk with Casey this weekend around our neighborhood.  We routinely have 'fun stops' at neighbor's houses that have chimes hanging from the trees (he loves to make the chimes ring) - or little animal figurines in their yards.  Most of the neighbors love it because he always adds some sunshine to their day as he trots up and says good morning to the concrete frog in their yard - or says 'quack quack' to the lawn ornament duck.  There is one house that has some interesting little yard-ornaments right off the sidewalk (the house is set back far off the street.)  So on this particular day, we sauntered up to the little wooden squirrel positioned as if it's climbing up the tree.  He said, 'good morning Mr. Squirrel!' as he patted it's head.  Then he ran his little fingers across the chimes hanging next to Mr. Squirrel.  As we stood there admiring the sound of the chimes, the neighbor stormed out in a snit.  She totally took us off guard - we'd never met her before and had just assumed it was okay to stand there occasionally on our walks and admire her fun squirrel.  She raged, 'THIS IS MY PROPERTY!'  I looked at her in shock and said, 'we were just looking at your little yard animals....'  She kept her tirade:  'WITH ALL THE LIABILITY THESE DAYS, YOU NEED TO STAY OFF MY PROPERTY.  STAY ON THE SIDEWALK!' 

Poor little Casey's lip started quivering and he began to cry.  She had scared him to death.  So I scooped him up and said, 'it's okay buddy.'  As we walked off Casey (spittin' mad) said 'IT IS NOT OKAY!  THAT LADY IS MEAN!  IT IS NOT OKAY TO TELL ME I CAN'T LOOK AT THAT SQUIRREL!'  I said, 'well, it is okay for her to say that because it is her squirrel and it's on her property.'  She just stood there with a giant frown and made sure we were nowhere near her precious property line. 

Casey was SO mad.  He kept saying 'That lady is mean!  I don't like her.'  I knew I was faced with one of those teachable moments...and needed to take advantage of it.  Truth is, I wanted to smack her right across the face.  It's one thing if you don't like people encroaching on your driveway - that's fine.  But could you at least come out, introduce yourself, realize there is a 2 year old in front of you, and nicely (cordially) say 'I'm so sorry but I worry about him getting hurt on my property.'  Instead, she ranted and raved and scared Casey out of his wits.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

As we continued to walk, I told him, 'Casey.....I am SO mad at that mean lady...just like you are.  It is NOT okay for her to yell at us and be mean.  It IS okay for her to ask us not to come in her driveway because that's her driveway, not ours.  But it is NOT okay for her to be mean to us.'

Casey joined in, 'YES IT IS NOT OKAY!'  I've never seen him so mad!  She had really hurt him.  It's always tricky how to handle these moments - and I don't have a lot of practice, I'll admit, cuz I never have had to do this with Cody.  But in that split second I knew I needed to turn this around.  So I said, 'Casey - what can we do with our anger?  We don't want our day ruined just because someone was mean to us.  There are mean people in the world sometimes.'  He looked at me and said, 'I don't like her!!!  She is mean!!!' 

I said, 'well - let's try to think about why she might have been mean.  Maybe she's had a really bad day and she's just grumpy.'  He said he never wanted to walk by her house again and I could tell he was scared of her.  'Well....how about this!  Every time we walk by her hours, we will PRAY for her!  We'll pray for her to not be grumpy!  We'll ask God to give her a kind heart!'  Casey added, 'like the Grinch!  her heart can grow 3 times too big for her chest!' 

'YES LIKE THE GRINCH!'  I said back to him.  So now, we stop every time we pass her house and we pray for the Grinch.  And the prayer goes, 'Lord, please help the Grinch-lady to not be mean, but to be nice.  Give her a kind heart.  Amen.'  Of course we say this prayer across the street in a whisper because I'm scared to death she'll come back out and yell at us again!  :)

I share this, because 1) what an idiot she is to scare a little boy...2) what a freak to be so possessive of her 'property'....but most of all I share this because 3) with a brother like Cody - Casey is going to have to learn how to navigate life in the midst of a lot of 'mean' people.  I so want him to learn early on - that mean people don't ruin our day.  I feel like I am just learning that lesson at the age of 45!  And it is the key to SO much.  She almost ruined my day.  The desire for revenge, or to just tell her off, is great!  But for Casey's sake, I realize the higher road is what I need to model.  And hopefully that will serve him through his life.  Already he hears people's comments about Cody.  There is not 1 day that we go somewhere with Cody that Casey doesn't hear 'why does he have a binky at his age?' 'why does he make that sound?'  And it's only going to get worse.   

Oh, if only the world wasn't so full of 'mean people' as Casey calls them.  But with a sick child, that becomes your world...swimming upstream...advocating for your child in the medical world, the school world, the 'state' world.  You have to put on a suit of armor every single day so you are not pierced with the arrows that come your way.   Yes, there are those rare people who are the exception to the rule.  But for the most part, as the 'mom', you have to become SO hard - SO firm - SO unwilling to take no for an answer.  That is NOT my nature.  By nature I worry if everyone likes me, I HATE conflict.  Yet this position God gave me as Cody's mom is pretty much living every moment advocating for him in some way in a world that does not see him as valuable. 

So in a weird way, I thank that Grinch-lady because she reminded me that no matter what we hear - no matter what the world thinks - no matter who tries to encroach on our joy - they have no power over us.  Our little family owns our joy - it's ours and no one can take it from us.  We may not be 'happy' all the time...but we try to be joyful all the time.  Granted, I could have told this lady off.  And sometimes I choose to fight back and I choose those moments carefully.  But this was not the time for arguing back.   My best move was to get Casey away from her so he wasn't traumatized further - and then fearful of all of our neighbors. 

She may make a turn and our prayers may be answered for her.  And if she stays a Grinch - that's okay too.  At least Casey and I got to learn the all important lesson of rising above - and turning our anger into prayer.  And that is a good thing. 

Love, Shawna