Hello all.  Well, another weekend has come and gone.  It always amazes me the promise of hope and good mood that accompany Friday night.  Then the twist of the knife that hits on Sunday night.  Am I the only one that feels this way about weekends!?!  There are no Dr's to see, no therapies, daddy's home.....we love it. 

Cody has had a really hard last few days.  I've been up from about 2am - 5am every night.  He is having some kind of tummy issue that wakes him up at night.  Today at church he had a 3.5 minute seizure before service started.  He passed out and I carried him from Sunday school to the sanctuary in my arms - he was like a floppy ragdoll.  I sat down in the back just in time to see the little kids march to the front of the stage to perform their Christmas song for the audience.  Sigh.  As I held my Cody passed out on my chest - there were all the other kids his age up front - singing their hearts out for the Christmas pageant.  Such a juxtaposition.  It is a knife in the heart to see those healthy, robust little ones in their Christmas sweaters with their parents holding camcorders.  While in the meantime I sit in my chair counting the times I feel Cody's chest rise and fall to be sure he is back to breathing after the seizure.  While some moms this morning were worrying about whether their child would remember the lyrics - I sat there trying to make sure my son was breathing.  Yet we were all in the same room, worshipping the same God.  And He is faithful to all of us - it just looks differently depending on the person or the family.  In the distance I see a friend walk in late - who I know is in the middle of a terrible marital issue.  She looks flustered and sad.  My other friend sitting by me lost her husband to cancer.  The man down the row is in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy.  It is a constant battle to not get too myopic...to remember that I am not the only one dealing with something huge.  Sure there are healthy families with healthy kids up front.  But there are also hurting people, crippled people, even dying people in my midst.  I am one of many who need the Great Physicians touch in the room.  It's not a world of 'haves' and 'have nots' although when you're entrenched in a battle for your child's life - it often can seem that way.  It's so easy to compare.  It's so easy to be jealous of those parents with healthy kids.  But part of my work on Sundays is to be a part of this church body - not to feel 'unrelated' to it.  And those who know me well, knew something was 'up' since I was holding Cody in the service and he was passed out.  No words were said, but compassionate looks were exchanged.  And, no doubt, prayers were lifted for Cody that I never heard - during the service.  We are loved.  It doesn't matter who has the 'better' or 'worse' lot.  It's the same God.  He knew what we were all dealing with and His Holy Spirit ministered to each of us right where we were.  For me, all it took was a look over my shoulder at the Christmas tree with photos of orphans from Bulgaria hanging as ornaments.  You could take an ornament home, hang it on your own tree, and pray for the child in the picture.  I took a girl named Nellie who is nonverbal (I asked for one with a disability.)  That tree was a quick nudge from the Lord that yes....my son was having a hard morning....but these orphaned children had no moms to hold them during their rough mornings.  God is so quick to give me perspective - it used to take forever to get out of a moment of self-pity or sadness.  Now either the Lord moves more quickly, or I'm just training myself to look for it.  Because within minutes I usually get just the wake up call I need to remind me of how much there is to be grateful for. 

And so - we celebrate the Cody we know and love.  He may not be able to walk onstage and sing a solo, but he can do so many other things that we think are super fantastic!  Just today he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a tupperware container of potato chips - walked across the room - pushed past a door to get to me - and set the chips on my lap.  Then he signed 'more' and 'open'.  I said, 'you want MORE chips and you want me to OPEN the container!  Great!' 

For me, there was as much pride in that moment as there was for the parent who sat at church today listening to their child sing.  Cody is really doing some neat things developmentally - he has reached a stage where he realizes that he needs a PERSON to communicate TO.  Used to be he'd use a sign like 'more' but he wouldn't direct it to a person.  He'd kind of sign into the air.  And just a few weeks ago he'd walk into the kitchen and grab that chip container and just fling it around - throw it on the floor - and scream.  Now he takes it and purposefully pursues a person to communicate his desire.  THAT is HUGE for us.  He is also grabbing our hand and pulling us over to what he wants.  Again, HUGE for us. 

This weekend has had some other really cute moments too.  I gave Casey a potato chip and told him to go give it to brother.  Casey - knowing Cody predominately eats out of his G-tube - walked over and held the potato chip down at Cody's stomach and said, 'here brother!'  He was thinking he was supposed to put it in Cody's little tummy tube.   

Tonight we get in the car to go look at Christmas lights.  Last night Don and I had a 'date' - we went to Thai food (our favorite) then dessert.  So we've had some fun times this weekend amidst the stresses.  Such is life.  

with love,

Shawna