I know a specific handfull of special needs moms who check into my sight often.  And I know others who happen upon it.  If you are one of those moms (make that super-moms!) I want you to know that you are not alone.  On this day, we soldier on together.  I just got this lovely message from one of you:

"Love you, my friend that I will meet in Heaven, my friend who is aquainted with my tears, my friend who unknowingly meets my needs with warmth and love and compassion and hope, my friend who will know the joy of the coming day when the weeping of tonight is gone."

This is a mom who in the last week went through surgery with her son.  Who is at her wits end.  Who deserves and needs respite more than anyone I know.  Just her 1 sentence email is a balm to my soul.  We are all in this together, you know?  I am here in Seattle fighting the fight.  You are where you are.  But we are all connected - because we are all care-takers of angels - calling upon our last reserves of strength and hope to get through one more day.  But we're doing it.  This is a community - a sorority - a sisterhood of fighters.  We are fighting for our children's lives - there is no more noble calling.  There is no greater sacrifice.  I am SO honored that you visit this site - so humbled that I get to know you.

Today Cody looked SO adorable.  I got that smiley picture (see below) and he just melted my heart.  Yet (as I know you know) these days when he is so angelic - I always turn to 'that' place.  That place of 'who could he have been?'  'what was he meant to be?'  'he is meant for so much more than this!'  It is the cry of a desperate mother's heart.  The tears begin.  The sadness encroaches.  I held him as he fell asleep in my arms.  I asked the familiar questions:  'did I do this to you somehow?  am I somehow to blame?'  And you know - that no matter how many dr's say it's not your fault - you secretly wonder. 

It's a pain we all share in - us moms.  And that is comforting.  It is soothing.  It is healing.  I know you're out there.  I feel you.  I pray for you - as I will do tonight. 

love, Shawna