John Macarthur:

You will have trouble, you will have difficulty, you will have temptation, you will have pain and disappointment, and God promises not to take away all that. See, that is the current temporary lie -- that God wants your life to be happy, and peaceful and comfortable and successful and satisfactory and prosperous, and it's the devil who wants all the bad stuff. You want to know the truth? It's the devil who would like to make your life prosperous and successful and happy and tranquil because then you wouldn't need God and you wouldn't have to thank Him for anything. The prosperity message is the devil's message. God's message is a message of suffering and grace. God wants us humble and He uses suffering to humble us. God wants us intimate with Him and He uses suffering to make us intimate with Him. God wants our testimony made manifest. He wants our character on display and He uses suffering to reveal it. And the greatest testimony a Christian's ever had in history is when they're persecuted. And the persecution of the saints, the blood of the martyrs becomes the seed of the church. God will crank up the grace in your life and He'll crank up enough grace for you to be able to endure."

And finally an exerpt from a book on Joseph, my favorite Bible character: 

Trauma creates a dilemma with God.  It throws His character into dispute, His power into doubt, His love into question.  Suffering twists our view of God so He seems both small and inept.

Suffering doesn't need explanation.  For your suffering has a life of it's own, full of unborn ideas, pulsing with mystery, rich with potential to solve your future suffering, and - most amazing - your past as well.  Your suffering holds the secrets to your appointed lot and is therefore the hiding place of your power.  You must value your suffering enough to coax it's treasure into your using.

In the end Joseph found out why.  He'd been in school, the making of a ruler, whose power saved many lives.  The "why" unmasks itself only to the faithful.  For Joseph, I AM had been enough.  God could have.  God didn't.  So God had a good reason.  Most men never make it to the end....to see.  Their furious "whys" have gnawed their mammoth potential down to a tiny bitter nub of ineffectiveness...long before the end."

These things inspire me.  They are my bread and water in times when I'm overwhelmed.  I know that a feeding tube isn't a HUGE deal in the grand scheme of things.  It's a relatively simple surgery.  It's a 2 day stay in the hospital.  I get that.  But I go through this spiritual battle every time Cody has surgery.  It's hard - I get discouraged, afraid, mad.  I get fed up with seeing him suffer another procedure.  And most of all, I long for that healthy baby that was placed in my arms 4.5 years ago.  So I allow myself the grief - knowing it's part of the healing.  I'll be fine.  But part of the way I get to 'fine' is by forcing the Truth on myself to combat the lies I like to dredge up instead.  So there ya go.  Thanks for walking this walk alongside us.  It means more than you'll ever know.  Please pray for Cody - and for us - as we try to celebrate what 'is' instead of grieve what we wished 'could be.'  Within this pain lies a treasure for us - and I don't want to miss it.  God redeems everything and I want to be a part of it.  Please join us as we rise above this circumstance and fly on His wings as eagles - trusting that He is in control and that we can praise Him even in this.

with love,

Shawna