Hello - what a beautiful sunny weekend.  Yesterday Don and I were blessed to have our friend Jennifer come over and offer and babysit.  Cody had fallen asleep at 5:30 pm after a seizure, so we decided to leave him with Jennifer and take Casey on an outing with just daddy and me - a rare occurrence. 

We got Spuds fish and chips and went to Juanita beach - down the street from our house.  Casey (of course) preferes dipping his fries in vinegar rather than ketchup.  And he had a wild time eating a picnic dinner and playing in the water!

Casey LOVES the water and would have stayed there for days trudging around in it, chasing ducks, building mud castles, etc. 

It was really a nice time.  But I have to say - it's difficult to try to play joyfully with Casey - and try to make him feel that we are totally 'in the moment' with him...while cody is home passed out from a seizure.  And while I'm worried about getting the next phone call that he's having another one and I need to rush home.  Or what if he wakes up and I'm not there to feed him --- will I miss out on an opportunity to get him to eat?  So hard to strike that balance - to let myself be free of worry and enjoy the times I should.  I so resent this illness and how it's robbed me of not only Cody's childhood - but Casey's as well. 

Yet just as I begin the spiral into anger, or sadness....God ALWAYS steers me toward gratefullness.  It's so weird - I rely on Him for that.  Sure, it's a choice on my part to be grateful.  But on days when it's just not 'in' me - He has never missed the chance to send me a message about His grace.  Yesterday that message came in the form of an email from someone I'd never met.  She said she reads this website and has a daughter of her own, "Maddie", who has infantile spasms.  This mom told me I was an inspiration.  Wow.  That made my day - but then I visited the mom's own site for Maddie - and I was the one who was inspired!!!

I clicked on http://maddiegorman.wordpress.com and proceeded to read the story of Maddie - which blew me away.  Not only does the little one suffer from infantile spasms with uncontrolled seizures - she has leukemia and is going through chemotherapy.  I almost fell off my chair reading about it - it is so unfathomable to me.  What a gigantic, monumental, unbelievable set of circumstances.  And yet if you read this mom's blog - you see the beauty that comes from the ashes.  She is truly amazing.  She wrote me,

"It does kind of stink for Maddie to get both leukemia and IS, but I try to remind myself that I always told God I could handle anything as long as she stayed in remission....so I guess I gave him permission to test me. I have been MUCH more specific in prayers since then....."

Please keep this family in your prayers - if only I lived closer I would do just about anything to make this road easier.  And to think - THIS mom called ME an inspiration. 

So that was my little gift from God this week - my little nudge toward gratefullness.  I can be grateful that Cody does not also suffer from leukemia.  I can be grateful that I now know a heroic mother and child who I get to pray for.  I can be grateful that this mom is now a new inspiration for ME - of surviving the unsurvivable - with such grace, dignity and beauty.  And most of all - I'm grateful to have the privelige of knowing a little one named Maddie who, like Cody, is more brave, courageous, and amazing than words can describe.

With love, Shawna