Oh my - we took the boys to the park today as I posted prior.  It was pretty great - we got McDonalds on the way.  Cody actually had FUN.  What a miracle.  I'm telling you, if you have a special needs child, GO to the Grass Lawn Park in Bellevue/Redmond.  Cody loved the "spray ground" that shot water up through little holes in the ground.  He loves the dome swings.  He loved the ground cover made of rubber tire pieces so it was super squishy.  They had a rope hammack attached to one of the playground pieces and he kicked back in that for about 5 minutes and looked at the sky.  The best part for me, was near the swings.  He REALLY loved the rubber tire ground cover and loved to sit on it and pick up the fluffy pieces of rubber and toss them in the air.  So I sat him between my legs and we watched the kids swing.  The wind was blowing softly, the sun was shining, and for the first time in years, Cody sat STILL for about 15 minutes.  He just sat there on my lap and didn't move, didn't kick, didn't bite me, didn't scream.  He was completely content.  I'm sure most parents know the joy of having their child sit on their lap or sit near them quietly.  I don't know that.  Cody never stops moving.  He even moves in his sleep.  This, to me, was bliss - feeling my little boy at ease - not plagued by movement - but just calmly enjoying the breeze and the sights.  I'll probably never forget that moment.

Meanwhile I had a birdseye view of Casey and Don cruising the playground in the distance.  Casey was still clutching to the same chicken nugget he'd been holding for the past hour.  His big thing now is holding a WHOLE piece of food and taking bites of it.  He hates being fed bites of things - he wants to hold an entire piece of bread - and entire apple - and entire chicken nugget.  And he nurses it for an hour - taking a nibble every 5 minutes or so.  It's mostly the fun of clutching it, I think.  So I was enjoying my moment with Cody (which was made all the more enjoyable because a Downs Syndrome boy who was 7 years old was in the toddler swings in front of us - the same swing Cody looks 10 sizes too big for.  This little Downs boy warmed my heart and I felt I wasn't the only mom in the park with a "different" child.  And then it happened - I saw Casey's beloved nugget fall out of his hand into the dirt.  I saw Don turn white - he looked at me and mouthed "oh nooooooooo."  Casey leaned down to try to pick it up and it was slathered in dirt.  Whoops.  But the little guy rebounded to our surprise and instead picked up a rock, I think, and seemed just as content.  He is the most good natured little thing.

Then........the drama.  We were walking to the car and Casey was squirming to get out of my arms so he could walk.  He wants nothing to do with being carried - he must walk everywhere.  Which opens the door to danger.  I put him down and he took a few steps - fell forward - and landed (I cringe as I write this) on his face.  More specifically, his front teeth.  I scooped him up and didn't even want to look at his face - scared it would be bloody or ripped open.  It looked okay - but he was crying so I knew something hurt.  I opened his mouth and there they were - two chipped teeth.  The front tooth had a chip right in the middle - what used to be a straight edge on the bottom was now in the shape of an upside down "V".  The one next to it had the side chipped.  I grimaced.  I am a tooth person - primarily because I had a head gear in 4th grade which I had to wear 24 hours a day.  That makes you *really* aware of teeth.  My first fear was that it cracked into the nerve and probably hurt him badly.  Then I worried that the teeth had been pushed up into the gum because they were bleeding.  Then I thought about the next 7 or 8 years of school pictures with jagged front teeth peering out.  I freaked out.  I admit it.  And the moment was not made any better by Don's comment (which he has now been flogged for all day long.)  "He's fine!"  And as you read that, you must add the tone that told me (without words) "stop worrying so much - he's a boy - boys fall!"  This had been an ongoing theme at the playground - I follow both boys within an inch - and hold my breath at the things dad lets them do.  Typical mom/dad scenario, I know.  Dad's are rougher - moms are fearful.  But Don knew that was NOT the right thing to say as I pulled Casey's upper lip up - and he saw the jagged little things that used to be perfect pearly white teeth.  "Oh..........."  Don said.  "He's not fine - we need to get him to a dentist now."

Now granted, when you have a child with a life threatening illness like Cody's - a chipped tooth barely hits the radar screen by comparison.  But (being a teeth person) I knew this was a big deal.  So I began my quest for a dentist office that was open at 3:30pm on a Saturday.  And I have to say - these moments are when I'm at my best.  Even if I hadn't had a "Cody" - I mobilize when crisis hits.  After calling every office that listed that they do emergency care and hearing "we're booked and we're closing"....I was undaunted.  I just started looking up websites for dentist offices hoping for some inroad.  And I found one.  I found a dentist in Renton who (for some reason) had the dentists personal phone number listed "in case of emergency."  So I called the poor schmoe and told him we had to see him today.  He agreed that we could come in (I admit I may have blurted something about an "emergency" and "blood everywhere" and "baby screaming" when in fact Casey was sitting quietly on Don's lap watching cartoons.)  But he WAS screaming at one point and there WAS blood at first!  But in reality, I knew what I had to say to get an appt.  So sue me.  So off we drove to Renton and to my shock, 405 was closed.  Ugh.  So I took a detour and called the dentist to tell him I'd be late - and I'll never forget what this guy said:  "I'll wait for you."  A simple sentence.  But it struck a chord.  "I'll wait for you."  And he did. 

I was a little embarrassed when he looked in Casey's mouth and said, "oh he'll be okay."  I could tell by the way I described it, the dentist expected blood and guts.  But he did confirm that he may lose the tooth - that when an impact happens it can cause an infection because blood can turn the tooth grey or black and it's kind of a lost cause at that point.  But he said that the nerve hadn't been exposed or hit so that was good.  And he filed down the chip which was needed cuz it was so jagged it could have easily cut his tongue or lip.  It was interesting because the staff really prepared me for the "drilling" - they apologized and said it could be "traumatic" for me.  I felt like saying, "a tooth being drilled?  are you kidding?  I've sat through 20 seizures in one day and taken an ambulance to the ER knowing if the seizures didn't stop Cody could have to be put into a coma to make his brain stop seizing."  Intead, I just said, "drill away."  They had me lay in the chair and hold CAsey ont top of me facing the ceiling.  They held his face and I wrapped my arms around him so he couldn't move his arms or legs.   Poor guy was pretty wigged out.  And don't get me wrong, it was horrible.  But by comparison to what I've been through with Cody it was like being on a ride at Disneyland.

I'm supposed to be on the lookout for swollen gums or the tooth turning "grey" - gross. 

The rest of the day my heart broke every time Casey smiled.   And just before he went to bed Don dared to elaborate on his "perspective" about the situation.  He said, "It's funny how differently we see things.  I guess I just assume that at one point or another, he's going to lose those teeth.  When I was little I banged my teeth on my bike (or was it his big wheel....) and they looked horrible.  I guess as a guy, I just figure it's part of the boy-thing growing up."  Course that didn't go over well with me.  "He'll have horrible school pictures for years!"  I said.  But that's the yin and yang of being married I suppose.  We laughed about it - and then I secretly winced again at the memory of his face hitting the cement.  Oh my.  I remember once Cody fell and hit his cheeck bone on the hardwood stair at our house.  I will NEVER forget the "thud" sound it made to hear my baby's precious skin hitting something so hard.  Hate it.  Can't think about it. 

So there's our drama for the day.  I was so wiped out I told Don that dinner would consist of chips and velveeta cheese and he loved it.  So we ate our chips and gross cheese and watched "24" for awhile.  That helped put a nice end on a stressful day. 

But there was much to be grateful for -- Cody had FUN.  And in fact he had a great day overall.  He was very alert, happy, even giggly at some points.  He did some great ABA work.  And Casey survived his first crisis - and so did I! 

with love,

Shawna