Sept. 2

Day 5 of the keto diet...and a huge glitch.  Thurs & Fri. I was chasing my tail - I'd take his blood glucose level and it would be 80, then 2 hours later 40, then he'd eat lunch and it would stay at 40...I called the dietician dozens of times and she was perplexed and we adjusted ratios, calories, gave him teaspoons of jelly to try to get his numbers up...it was NUTS.  One migraine later and lots of stress, I figured out the problem.  I had asked Don to be "glucose monitor man" - to learn how to operate the thing and teach me so it was one less thing I had to research.  Well, he failed to read in the fine print that if 1 drop of blood isn't enough, you have to get the 2nd drop on the stick within 30 seconds.  I had been lollygagging, taking my time...milking Cody's fingers (it's hard to get a big drop of blood out of him!) ...and the readings were all inaccurate for the first 4 days.  Were they a waste?  I guess we'll call them the learning curve.  Poor Don felt horrible (as he should, haha.)  So now we've got our act together and his blood glucose readings are finally getting consistent and we are able to see how he's metabolizing and adjust the diet properly.  Whether it's a fluke or not, he had 5 seizures today (now that things are on track) as opposed to yesterday when he had 14 whoppers.  I'm not doing cartwheels yet, tho, cause just when I think we're making headway with seizures, they always surprise me.  But Carrie (the dietician who works the diet at OHSU) said in her 11 years of monitoring kids on the keto diet, she's only had 1 child who had NO reduction in seizures.  That doesn't mean all her kids have become seizure free, but it means all but one had "some" reduction. 

And can I tell you, it is INSANE pulling this diet off.  We took Cody out for the day and I had to pack his lunch "to go" and it took me an hour to plan the meal, measure it, puree what needed to be pureed, whip the cream, add flavorings here and there...then pack it up in a cooler with a bottle full of cream + water.  INSANE.  We're going to his family's for the day tomorrow and it's already taken me hours to plan the 2 meals we're taking and get them organized.  And half the time (in the beginning phase of the diet) the dietician changes the menus half way thru the day if we need to alter something...so I don't know what I'll do then. 

So that's our saga.  I live in the kitchen like a mad scientist calculating things and weighing them.  Just when I've pulled off one of Cody's meals, I hear "hey honey, what's for dinner?"  and I want to SCREAM!  Then when I'm not dealing with food, I'm poking my son with a needle 10 times a day, or wringing out cotton balls full of urine (sorry to be graphic, but hey, that's my life!) onto keto sticks to measure urine keytones.  Can I tell you what it's like to plan and make a meal for an hour - only to have cody turn his nose up at the cantaloupe like he did this morning?  I called Carrie and said "he won't eat" and she said, "make a new breakfast that he'll like".  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  He has to eat his meals - so I went back to the drawing board and substituted pumpkin for the cantaloupe and he gobbled it up.  Oy vay!  Calgon, take me away.

Yesterday I treated myself to a 1.5 hour professional back massage which helped wiht the stress level - and I worked out today - anything to keep the migraines at bay. 

That is probably all you wanted to know and more about our life!  So I'll leave you for now - and if you hear a scream coming up the I5 corridor, it's me!  Haha.

love, Shawna 

Sept. 7

I haven't posted in a bit - things just got too dark and I didn't want to sit down and write about them.  Cody's been on a tranquilizer for 3 days - he had almost 20 seizures a few days ago - they woke up him all night in his sleep and by 9am he had 7 already.  So I did what I dread - I drugged him.  It broke my heart but at least it gave him a couple of hours of sleep free of seizures.   I've given him a tiny tranqulizer dose the last 2 nights to help him sleep thru the night without seizures and altho it doesn't help his daily seizure toll much. 

3 days ago I think I hit an all time low.  Literally, every time I turned around he was crouched over in a seizure.  I remember looking up and saying over and over "I CAN'T DO THIS.  I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.  IT'S TOO MUCH.  IT'S JUST TOO MUCH. "  I just couldn't stop crying.  Every time I looked at him I just bawled.  How can such a sweet precious little boy have to endure so much??  I don't recall feeling so much pain in a long time.  I ventured out once in the last few days to Costco with Cody and as I wheeled him in the cart I said a desperate silent prayer:  "please...no seizures in the store.  please please just let us get thru this quick trip without him going stiff in this cart."  AS I SAID THE PRAYER, as the last word left my lips, he went stiff - face turned red - eyes watered - he grabbed for me - started breathing heavily - stayed stiff and shaked for about 30 seconds and then it was over.  I pulled the cart over and held him for awhile till he stopped crying.  It just slays me when those prayers almost seem to be thrown back in my face.  I know that's not what really happens, but in the moment, it seems awfully ironic. 

I came home and he went down for a nap - and I opened up my devotional "Diamonds in the Dust" by Joni Earekson Tada (if you've been reading this blog for long, you know she's my idol.  Trapped in a wheelchair and paralyzed from the neck down since the age of 18, she views her life as abundant beyond measure and views her wheelchair as a blessed vehicle that draws her closer to the Lord.)   I marvel that someone who suffers so much, claims to live abundantly.  I WANT THAT.  So I try to read whatever I can of hers...hoping a bit of her optimism will rub off on me, Miss Sadsack.  Her scripture reference on this particularly miserable day took my breath away. 

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'...."That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Cor. 12:10

I was shocked to read that I am supposed to "delight" in this hardship - but there it was in black and white.  How do you "delight" in watching your son have 20 seizures a day?  HOW????  I did a little research on that particular passage and here's what John Macarthur said in a sermon:

"You will have trouble, you will have difficulty, you will have temptation, you will have pain and disappointment, and God promises not to take away all that. See, that is the current temporary lie -- that God wants your life to be happy, and peaceful and comfortable and successful and satisfactory and prosperous, and it's the devil who wants all the bad stuff. You want to know the truth? It's the devil who would like to make your life prosperous and successful and happy and tranquil because then you wouldn't need God and you wouldn't have to thank Him for anything. The prosperity message is the devil's message. God's message is a message of suffering and grace. God wants us humble and He uses suffering to humble us. God wants us intimate with Him and He uses suffering to make us intimate with Him. God wants our testimony made manifest. He wants our character on display and He uses suffering to reveal it. And the greatest testimony a Christian's ever had in history is when they're persecuted. And the persecution of the saints, the blood of the martyrs becomes the seed of the church. God will crank up the grace in your life and He'll crank up enough grace for you to be able to endure."

The rest of his sermon on "purpose in suffering" is at http://www.biblebb.com/files/MAC/47-84.htm

He quotes a great song called "Refiner's Fire":

"There burns a fire with sacred heat, white hot with holy flame. And all who dare pass through its blaze will not emerge the same. Some is bronze and some is silver, some is gold and with great skill, all are hammered by their sufferings on the anvil of His will. I'm learning now to trust His touch, to crave the fire's embrace. For though my past with sin was etched, His mercies did erase. Each time His purging cleanses deeper, I'm not sure that I'll survive. Yet the strength and growing weaker keeps my hungry spirit alive. 

The Refiner's fire has now become my sole desire. Purged and cleansed and purified that the Lord be glorified, He is consuming my soul, refining me, making me whole. No matter what I lose I choose the Refiner's fire."

I read all this - on that particularly most miserable tearful day - and sat in my big cushy recliner chair in the fetal position - and said these words (begrudgingly)...

"Lord, I HATE these seizures more than anything on this planet.  Every single one pierces my heart through and through.  They are robbing my child of speaking, of laughing, of sleeping.  But I DO believe that Your Word is true.  And Your Word says to "take delight in weaknesses and hardships."  So even though I don't "feel" it, as an act of my will I thank You for this furnace.  I will choose to be content with this situation because Your Word tells me to - and Your Word is the key to life abundant.  So even though I don't understand what praising You for this horrific pain has to do with anything, I will praise You nonetheless.  I will trust that Your Word is true and that in this weakness, You are strong - that Your power is made perfect in weakness.  And I've never felt more weak - therefore Your power, it would follow, is being made more perfect in my life the weaker I get.  And that IS my sole desire - to live in Your power.  So I guess I do understand the "idea" of suffering and how it glorifies You because it drives the 'self' out of my life and forces me to rely solely on You.  But to take delight in this excruciating pain?  I remember Paul being in chains in prison - and singing while bound in those very chains - singing praises to You.  Joni Earekson Tada sings Your praises for her wheelchair because it has forced her to cling to You all the more.  Lord, help me to be like those Saints.  Like Paul, I feel bound by the chains of these seizures.  Like Joni, I feel paralyzed by this searing pain.

 Help me to crave Your refining fire, even tho it burns and hurts.  Help me to want You and love You so much that more of You is worth this horrible journey.  Help me love You more than my dear son.  Help me not to be mad at You.  Please help me to empty myself of "me" and fill myself with You - so that I will not only survive this trial, but thrive in it because YOU are the reward in it.  Knowing You more, loving You more, relying on You more...is abundant living.  And abundant living is what I want."

I prayed that prayer 3 days ago.  I wish I could tell you life got easier somehow.  It hasn't.  The seizures remain.  The drugs are still in him.  I still feel that searing pain.  But I guess what has changed, is that I know I'm doing what's right.  I'm being obedient even though my circumstances are the same.  There's peace in that.  When we're obedient as an act of our will, feelings usually follow.  So I'll try to keep praising Him and clinging to Him...waiting for that 'abundant' joy to kick in despite this trial.  I'll keep praying for HIM to be enough - for knowing Him more to be a reward that outweighs this pain.  When Cody has a seizure WHILE I pray for him not to...I'll try to find something to praise God for in it.  Even if it's just that Cody's alive and WITH me instead of gone like so many kids with his condition.  Even if it's that the seizure was short instead of long.  Even if it's that God is WITH me during that seizure.  I will choose to find things to delight in because scripture tells me to. 

and Kat, who I know is reading this because she checks out this site every day to pray for Cody...thank you for your dear, tear filled message on my answering machine today.  Altho you tell me that I'm an inspiration, I hold the mirror up toward you.  When my dad died you promptly sent me a book called "Heaven".  When I tried to cook healthy foods for Cody you sent me "Going Green".  You sent me a CD with a song you felt was Cody's theme called "Dream Big."  Despite our geographical distance, you've helped me to let go of what other people think.  You've helped me keep my sense of humor and laugh.  You have been a life preserver when I have been most certainly lost at sea.  So thank YOU. 

love, Shawna

Sept. 8

Hi all - MUCH better today (so far anyway.)  Only 3 seizures and it's 5pm.  And 2 of the 3 were super mild. Don't know if it's from the diet or the drug Klonopin.  I think we'll continue to do both a couple more days since we're on a roll.  You have no idea what a breeze it feels like to have so few seizures today.  A few days ago he'd had 7 before 9am!  What a way to start the day.  I PRAY this good trend continues - and whether it's the diet OR the drug - I don't really care.  At this point I'd gladly continue one or both of them to keep the seizures away. 

He's finally in a deep state of ketosis consistently (whew) so it would make sense that we might be seeing some seizure reduction from the diet.  He's eating all the food, tolerating the diet so far.  I'm able to get a veggie or fruit into each meal which I'm glad about. 

Now for the lighter side - I found what seems to be Nirvana for Cody - the Fabric Store!  Haha.  In the last month he's become obsessed with textures.  If he's near a wall, he's running his hand along it to feel the bumps.  He bends down to feel every floor vent.  He loves shirt of mine that have beads or sparkles on them.  He loves our front door mat because it's bristly and it always has him sitting next to it rubbing it.  You get the picture.  His therapists say it's a huge milestone for him because he's becoming aware that there's an outside world - whereas before he was completely focused inward - never showing interest in anything.  So we want to encourage this new development as much as possible!  But it does get old at times to not be able to carry him ANYWHERE without stopping at every picture so he can feel the frame...every window so he can touch the glass...every curtain so he can feel the fabric.  But hey, I'll take it! 

Well, he has this huge plastic fenced play yard in our bonus room that he spends a lot of time walking around in and I thought it would make it more fun for him to have textures draped over each panel of the play yard so off we went to the fabric store.  Little did I know I would find Cody's new favorite place.  We cruised the aisles with bolts of fabric lined up and his little hands searched every single bolt (and there were HUNDREDS) for any bumps, sequins, shiny spots, ribbons, etc.   When he found a fabric he liked he'd pull the whole bolt into our cart and just sit and rub his hands on it - then try to bite it - then he was on to the next.  The ones he REALLY seemed to like wound up in our cart and we took a piece home with us.  Ironically, and humorously, these are the ones he chose:

a gold shiny background with hundreds of little gold mirrors sewn into it

black chiffon with pink sequined butterflys

a material that can best be described as gaudy, billious "rainbow pleather" (fake leather).  It's so bright it's blinding.

Do you sense a theme?  I'm beginning to believe that Cody will one day be Barry Manilow's back up singer at the Copa Cabana.  If I would have given in, his favorite item at the store was a feather boa!  It was just the cutest thing ever to see him draped in all these grandiose fabrics.  That's my boy - I'm sure his first words will be a show tune!  Too funny.  come on over to our house and you'll see that his play yard now looks like something out of a Las Vegas show.  All we need is a disco ball - which sadly - would actually be really fun for him to look at. 

Happy weekend to you all.  I've got pleather rainbows to sew!

love, Shawna

Sept. 14

We've been on the keto diet almost 2 weeks and he's still not in a steady state of ketosis.  He keeps popping in and out and we just can't figure out the perfect ratio or calorie amount yet.  So unfortunately his seizures have risen again - today he had 7.  So he's still on klonopin.  Lots of bummers.  This diet is driving me bananas.  Shouldn't take this long to adjust it seems, but as usual, Cody is the exception to every rule. 

So not a lot new to report - still lots of seizures, still on the diet and still on the drug.  Oh, I broke my toe...that's new.  I was lunging for a glass he was about to tip over and I jammed my little toe against his play yard.  OUCH.  So it's black and blue and swollen...and I hobble around on it.  The weird part is that as soon as you favor one part of your foot and walk a little funny, it's your back that kills you from compensating.  So I've got a sore toe and a sore back.  Not a good combo with a 40 pound child to lug around!  But we're making it....sort of.  Who knew such a small body part could cause so much pain!? 

Wish I had better or more exciting news to report...but alas...I do not. 

love to you all!

Shawna 

Sept. 16

Boy is Cody a hotshot!  We got him a "Wee Ride" bike seat and now he is a bike riding machine!  Don takes him for a ride every night when he gets home from work and Cody just LOVES it!  He even has his own spiffy helmet (see photos below.) 

And...Cody became a super model today!  He has these special shoes that he has to wear with his leg braces - the shoes are called "Hatchbacks" and they are made with a little more width so the braces can fit into them.  They are special order only and they are manufactured in Vancouver!  We visited the warehouse and they asked us if Cody would model for their website because they need a photo of a child in the shoes.  And Cody's friend Frankie was the other model!  We all met at the park and it was a stitch.  The photog kept trying to get Cody to stand still, which is impossible.  But he managed to get some good shots in the fleeting moments when Cody actually stopped for a second.  So Cody will be on the website - I'll give a link when it goes up.  The photographer happened to be a Christian and so is Frankie's family so it was a big warm fuzzy all the way around. 

Cody had a bad seizure day despite all the fun activity.  He's on a drug and on the ketogenic diet - yet his seizures are as bad as can be.  We STILL can't get him in a steady state of ketosis...the dietician and I talk daily and adjust calories, ratios, etc etc etc but she said it often takes a month to fine tune the diet and to get the child in consistent ketosis.  I may pass out before a month is over, tho.  We'd LOVE prayer for this diet and these awful seizures - they are taking the life out of all of us!  must go to bed - the boys are asleep and so must I be.  

love, Shawna

Sept. 18

Okay, wanna see the cutest photo?  The photo on today's entry was taken by our dear friend and the best photog around, Jenny Benge.  I just LOVE it!  He's getting so big - almost 2 years old! 

I'm sorry to report that things are worse than ever.  Cody's still popping out of ketosis on the diet and today we had to double his dose of tranquilizer because he had such a violent seizure this morning.  He had a total of 7 today which actually turned out to be low - either because of the added tranquilizer or the motrin I gave him.  He has a HUGE molar bursting thru his gumline right now and he is literally in a frenzy all the time.  I took him to his first day of "big boy" school - it's a classroom setting at his Early Intervention school where they have snack time, circle time, story time, recess, etc.  He graduated into this class because he's turning 2.  What a disaster!  The other little kids in his group all happen to have Downs Syndrome and are much younger than him....yet they still sit around a table in little tiny chairs...while Cody will NOT sit down for a split second.  They choose juice or water...while Cody just kicks both cups over.  They play with play doh and cookie cutters while Cody just grabs a hunk and sticks it in his mouth.  It was so depressing - I sat there with tears in my eyes trying not to fall apart in front of everyone.  He is SO delayed and it becomes so apparent when he's around younger kids who are delayed themselves.  They clap, wave, do sign language.  Cody - literally - just walks around the classroom for an hour without stopping to give anyone or anything a 2nd glance.  He just roams and touches the walls, the carpets, the windows - completely oblivious that there is anyone in the room besides himself.  Ugh ugh ugh.  My dear little one - so lost in his own world.  I left early - mostly because I was exhausted from chasing him and trying to get him to conform to sitting in a chair, drinking from a cup, playing with toys.  Yet we will return next week to do it all over again.  I'd love to chalk the bad session up to teething pain, but alas, this is just who Cody is.  What will become of him?  That thought wrestles with my mind 24/7.  I can tell the other moms and the teachers in his class feel for me...and they are wonderfully supportive trying to call attention to anything he does..."good eye contact, Cody!" if he happens to glance in their direction.  What a dismal day.  The motrin I gave him knocked him out of ketosis yet again - whoops. 

I guess I hang on to the hope that "someday" he could still be normal as a form of denial or something.  I just can't imagine him being trapped inside this little body forever.  I can't imagine the seizures forever robbing him of his personality and abilities.  I just have to hang on to the fantasy or it would just be too hard to see what I see on a daily basis. 

It breaks my heart to up the drug he's now on - I cringe every time I put it in him.  Yet the seizures have become so much more the enemy.  At this point, I'd take ANY drug that would make them stop. 

So that's my depressing entry for the day.  I pray things turn around.  And if they don't...I pray for endurance and for strength beyond myself to watch these seizures day in and day out. 

shawna

Sept. 22

Hi there - things have improved slightly.  Cody's had about 7 seizures a day the last few days.  Today they seemed a little milder than days before.  His molar is 1/2 way thru the skin - OUCH!  He's just been a screaming monster the last few days with this molar breaking thru - can't say that I blame him!  The good news is he is in (according to his keto dietician) a "beautiful state of ketosis" finally!  After a month of tweaking, I'm finally able to stop taking his blood glucose levels 5 times a day and just rest in the fact that his diet plan is keeping him right where he needs to be.  His dietician also said there's no way the diet - or the drug he's on - would be able to protect him from seizures with the pain of this molar.  She said once it's thru...we'll be able to see if the diet is providing any seizure relief.  My answer?  "But he has 2 more molars on the way!!!!"  Her reply?  "Then we have a long road ahead of us."  CRUD! 

We went swimming tonight and he had 2 seizures in the pool.  So tough.  He's such a trooper - he loves swimming so much that instead of passing out after these 2 seizures, he rebounded and continued to play.  I'm sure his desire to swim outweighed his fatigue from the seizure. 

My broken toe is mending, thankfully.  Wish I could say the same of my broken heart.  But alas, I'm still battling tears and despair on a daily basis.  When I get to heaven, I'm going to actually ask God how many tears I cried on this planet...since scripture says he has a count of our tears.  Isn't it fascinating that even when we feel utterly abandoned by God...the truth of the matter is that He has a count of every single tear drop we shed?

I had a particularly immature moment this week.  I was laying in bed with Cody while he napped, praying for him.  As I prayed, he had the most violent seizure I've ever seen - shaking, quaking, eyes rolled to the back of his head, body stiffened like a board.  Just as I was about to call 9-1-1, it ended.  He fell right back to sleep from the stress of it, luckily.  And as for me?  I looked up at the sky and said, outloud:  "You cannot POSSIBLY love me if You are able to allow these seizures to happen."  And I meant it with all my heart.  What I saw with my eyes (the seizure) and the fact that God loves me could not co-exist in my mind.  I didn't get an answer back.  Didn't expect one.  But I ruminated in that anger for a coupla days.  It's amazing that when I decide to boycott God, I can just check-out instantly.  Nothing really happened to change the boycott.  I just kind of rose out of it.  That's what usually happens.  I decide to be mad for awhile....then I realize it's getting me nowhere...and I hear a praise song and can't help singing it and can't help worshipping as I sing.  And I'm "back" with Him.  I wonder what God thinks of my crazy wanderings.  Somehow, I think it's okay with Him on some level.  He knows I'm working out this relationship He and I have.  He knows my heart is His ultimately.  And I think, in His grace, He allows me some tether to have my hissy fits.  This is such a bloody, brutal battle, this fight against seizures, that I can't imagine that God doesn't understand when the pain gets to be too much and I freak out.  As I continue to pray that He would shoe me "how" to have a relationship with Him when I'm so conflicted...I remembered an email a dear friend sent me that I posted here awhile back.  It deserves repeating so here it is:

"Shawna,   I was thinking about Psalms 55:22 where it says, "Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be
moved."  That word "burden" in hebrew means what is given by God -- your
lot. The word "cast" means to throw or hurl.  How intersting that God is
asking us to take what He has given us and throw it back to Him...like
playing catch.  Then it says if you do this He will sustain you.  Another
cool word meaning all these different things:  to keep in,  feed,  bear,
comprehend, nourish, guide, hold, be present, provide sustenance.

Then he goes on to say God shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
It seems like the righteous are moved all the time, so what is He
saying? The word "permit" is similar to the word cast: it means give,
appoint, cause, bring, make, deliver up...so He is saying whatever He
throws to you, you throw back, and He won't throw something designed to
knock you out  (moved - literally, cause you to waiver, be carried off,
cast out, slip, fall in decay.)   He doesn't work like that.   But He will
throw us something big and heavy to teach us how to throw it back.  He
starts with smaller things and builds our muscles...

You are being trained in the art of "trustball" with God! 

Remember when Cody's reflux was the only big issue?  Then the next ball....He allowed this anomaly with cody's brain for reasons we don't know.  But what we do know and can bank on is that if you throw this burden that has been given to you onto the Lord,  He will bear you, understand your pain, guide you, provide sustenance, and keep you in His safe pasture.  He will not lead you out to the edge just to push you off."

Cool, huh!  Love, Shawna

Sept. 28

I just LOVE that photo above.  Cody often strolls with his hands behind his back - so adorable.  one more of the photos from his session with our beloved photographer jenny benge (www.jennybengephotography.com). 

Haven't posted in a bit - for some reason when things get really dark I just don't want to write it down.  I suppose it's my own little form of denial.  Call me Cleopatra....cause I'm the Queen of De Nial!  Haha.  That's a country song, by the way.

Anyway, we are weaning Cody off klonopin - one more failed drug.  I can't wait to get him off it too cuz he's been up all night for a week.  It's also exacerbated his crazy behaviors (eye poking, biting himself, etc.)  As for the ketogenic diet, he just keeps popping in and out of ketosis so we still haven't got a grip on whether the diet is doing him any good.  I'm still trying to fine tune it and learn from my mistakes (which are many.)  He's still teething up a storm which also clouds the picture.  As we wean him off the klonopin, his seizures seem to be getting bigger and longer - so that's a bit scary.  Three more days to go.

On to the brighter side of things...last night at our home group...Cody was doing his usual meandering back and forth.  We make a circle of people and he just zig zags from one person to the next.  Anyway, he seemed quite vebal (translation:  screechy) and he was doing the "Ga" sound a bit.  So one of us said, "Cody....say God!"  And we all chimed in....'would that be great if his first word was God!'  Someone else said that they KNEW his first word would be 'God.'  As we were talking, there was a momentary gap in conversation about Cody's first word...and he took that opportune moment to screech at the top of his lungs....................."GAAAAHHHHHWWWWWWDDDDD"

You should have seen our eyes bulge!  Our accumulative jaws dropped.  We laughed, we cried...we clapped.  It was AWESOME.  I haven't heard the word since....but I'll never forget that moment.  On cue, Cody said "God!" 

I have a helper today (bless your heart, Kristen!) who is playing with him from 9-12.  She's taken him outside and chased him, let him play in the sprinkler, took him for a stroller walk....all things that would be killing my back by this point in the day.  Of course she's in her early 20's and actually is in shape - so she's the perfect playmate for Cody.  She's coming over a few days next week too - praise the LORD!!!!  

That's it for now - hope you are having a good Thursday.

love, Shawna