Okay I have a bit of advice needed.  You all were great when I had breastfeeding problems.  Now we have sleep problems.  Sleep issues have plagued us our whole lives...but this one is specific to "wake up" times.  Both boys wake up at about 5am.  It is driving me nuts.  It makes for SUCH a long day - especially when Cody doesn't go to school till 8:15.  By then he's already burned out.  Casey takes naps during the day, but it's just such an early wake up for a non-morning person like me.  We've tried keeping them up later at night and it just doesn't help.  Casey goes to bed at 8:30p and still gets up at 5am!  We've tried putting Cody down at 10pm consistently and he STILL gets up at 5am.  It is murdering me. 

Any thoughts on how to get kids to sleep later in the a.m.?  I've covered both their windows to black out the room so the morning sun doesn't wake them.  No help.  I've tried depriving Casey of naps during the day so he's sleepier at night but he still pops up at 5am.  I don't sense that it's hunger or wet diapers.  They just seem to have body clocks for this time.  HELP!!!!  By the time we go to bed at night I feel like I've run a marathon!!

Thanks,

Shawna 

Already, God has brought me to higher ground.  I got the following update from a church in Belize - the pastor and his wife are friends of mine and the church is a church plant from my home church, Calvary Chapel Eastside.  This is a young couple with a young son - who felt called to move to Belize City and start a church.  It is a tough place to live.  This email made me realize how grateful I am for things like running water, safety, and health.  It's so good to get perspective - and as usual - my own grief is lessened by realizing how fortunate  I am.  Shawna 

"On a darker note, there seems to have been an increase in crime and violence lately. Last week Denise and Marika, one of the young ladies from church were out riding bikes and they were mugged. Two young men forced them off the road and tried to take Denise’s purse. Anyone who knows Denise knows that she isn’t one to be pushed around or intimidated easily. Denise resisted and struggled to keep hold of her purse. Marika joined in the struggle and one of the guys threw her down on the ground. He then punched her in the head and began to choke her. When it got to that point Denise threw away the bag to get the guy to leave Marika alone. The guys made off with her cell phone, purse and house keys. Both Denise are Marika are fine, but they were shaken up.

Last Wednesday night as we were finishing up our Midweek study, shots rang out right up the street from the church. We saw someone, either the targets or the shooters speeding away on their beach cruisers a few seconds later. After church Michelle and Barrow, two of the young people were walking home in the direction that the guys rode off in when gun shots rang out again. Barrow, the young man, told me that he heard the bullet whistle past his head. They had to lie on the ground for a few minutes until the shooting stopped. Several of the bullets entered Michelle’s aunt’s house and broke up the microwave and a cabinet.  Just tonight we heard gunshots during our Men’s Ministry Meeting.  As I was dropping off one of the guys, we heard that there was just another shooting outside his house. Life is getting harder and harder economically for the Belizean people, and the people are getting desperate and turning to crime and violence to make ends meet.

Belize has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS infections in Central America and the second highest in the Caribbean. We have several people in church who are infected, and statistically we likely have at least several more that I am unaware of.

Last week I found out that Cleanne, a very sweet little 11 year old girl in the church had contracted HIV. Her mother is also positive. The doctors say it was probably contracted through breast feeding before the mother new she was infected. The Mother also has several other children who have not been tested yet, one of which also breastfed.  They are going to be tested this week. Please pray for a negative test result for the other kids. The situation is especially hard because the mother is a single mother of 5 and is unable to get a steady job due to the fact that she is sick often. At the moment, the whole family is living in a room they are renting underneath someone’s house, and they don’t even have running water. Please keep that family lifted up in your prayers. Pray for health for the family and that the Lord would provide for them financially.

The Lord is doing some wonderful things throughout the country of Belize, and the enemy wants to see it stop. So many people that I have been talking with have been under spiritual attack recently. Please continue to lift PLCC and the other ministries here in Belize up in prayer."

God Bless,

Joel, Denise and Elias

Hello all.  Wow I haven't written in awhile.  You know, every once in awhile I get in a little funk.  Something always triggers it.  And I kind of go inward.  No big deal.  Just grappling with stuff.  It happened on the way to school last week.  I took a new route and drove right past an elementary school I'd never seen before.  There were floods of little kids walking to school from a few blocks away.  I saw a little boy Cody's size with a backpack strapped on him - threatening to tip him backward from the weight!  He was so cute.  I watched him run, jump, grab his brother's hand.  He was laughing, yelling - doing all the stuff little boys do at that age.  For some reason, on this particular day, it struck a raw nerve and flooded me with sorrow.  Sorrow that still lingers like a wet blanket, unfortunately.  Although I know the Lord has brought me a long long way in this grieving process over Cody's disabilities and health -- that grief process is interesting because it has a life of it's own.  It folds over on top of itself sometimes and boom - you're back in the "depression" phase in the blink of an eye. 

So yes, I will admit, I've felt depressed for the last week.  I just have to get used to the idea that this is a marathon.  I have to find a way to exist and find that abundance in life even with the stress and sadness of having a sick child.  Each season of life brings a fresh wave of grief.  And that's okay.  And I'll be fine.  It's just kind of exhausting, you know?  Cody had a couple of bad seizure days last week which didn't help.  I had to pick him up from school once.  I walked in to see him passed out on a crash pad in the corner.  I just never get used to the seizures.  I'm sure I never will.  And we continue to fight for his progress at school - which on top of his medical issues - is way too much stress. 

In church today our pastor discussed the idea of Jesus saying "Come to Me you who are weary and heavy laden - and I will give you rest."  He emphasized "Come to Me" -- saying that's really what He wants.  He wants us to come to Him - hide in Him.  It was a good reminder.  When things get so heavy, I remember that He says  "Come to Me" for a reason.  He wants us to do it because it is right and true - and it is our only hope.  I do find great comfort in the act of going to Him.  As I confess my sadness - my desperation for Cody to be healed - and my confusion about why it is my son who is plagued with these horrid seizures and this sad life.  So many people have healthy children.  So many people don't have to give a thought to what it's going to be like when their retarded son is 6 feet tall and a grown man.  Who will take care of him when we die?  What will happen when puberty hits and testosterone kicks in?  Will he always wear diapers?  Will he ever be able to tell me he's thirsty?  Or that he has a headache?  Or will I always have to guess at everything?  What will life look like when Don and I are in our 70's and Cody is in his 30's? 

I took Cody to the park Friday because his seizures the day before made him too lethargic to go to school that day.  But he was going stir crazy in the house so I took him to the park.  He still has to go in the baby bucket swings - and his feet almost scrape the ground when he swings.  He still loves it and giggles up a storm.  But I stood there pushing him, watching the other healthy kids in the distance playing tag and other games.  And I just couldn't stop the tears from coming.  It's just sadness.  No other word for it.  I think even when you arrive at "acceptance" - the sadness still comes in waves at different times.  Seeing Cody's string bean little skinny legs scrape the ground with his tip of his crocs - swinging in his pajamas because he'd been passed out from seizures all day - yet still managing his crooked little smile as I pushed him - was just too much for me to take in.  It crushed me.  And I continue to be crushed.

 And - that's okay I guess.  Unless God does intervene with a physical miracle in this lifetime, this will be my lot.  I accept it, I do.  But these times of sadness are really crippling, I'll be honest.  I have so much to be grateful for - and that's what always pulls me out of these sad spells.  But there's really no avoiding them - and that's just part of the life I've been given. 

But gosh, if I could give my life tomorrow just to free Cody from seizures - I wouldn't think twice.  Just when I think I can't take one more day of them, I wake up and manage to get through it.  God has seen fit to give me this life.  I don't understand why - and never will understand why my son.  My son.  What could he have been?  Who could he have been?  What relationship would I have known with him?  So many questions.  And the only answer is the constant reminder that he is exactly who God ordained him to be.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

And in my sadness, God beckons, "Come to Me" and there I find the strength to go on and search for that abudant life He promises. 

love, Shawna

I cannot believe how much I take my internet for granted.  I spent the better part of last week on the phone to verizon - trying to fix the fact that I could no longer get internet.  It took 3 days of phone calls - hours and hours and hours on the phone with these techinicians.  And ultimately it was discovered that the "main office" had missed some number by a digit - and my internet was gone for a week.  ARGH!!! 

Lessons I learned - I can't be so reliant on the internet!  I can't be so reliant on being able to email.  The world will go on - even if my computer doesn't work.  Good lessons.  But oh was I hopping mad at these technicians! 

So, I'm back.  Other than that glitch, it was an average week for us.  Some big seizure days for Cody - other really good days for Cody.  We all have colds (me, Casey and Cody) so that's no fun.  I was up all night with Casey last night cuz he had a stuffy nose and it was freaking him out.  In 9 months, this is his first cold - so I feel lucky there!  Cody's cold brought on lots of seizures.  That was no fun. 

Not much else to report...just hanging out.  I can't breathe at the moment so I'm off to bed.

Happy Monday to all!

love, Shawna